I will no longer be blogging on this site. My new site is live!!! Change your bookmark to www.derekabbott.com. Thanks for continuing to read!
Derek
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Heated
Is it okay to be heated every now and then? I just ran into someone who clearly remembers me from an interview. Come to find out that this very reputable organization didn't even contact me to tell me that they had selected another candidate. No phone, no e-mail, not even a canned letter in the mail. Instead I was pushed off for months while they carefully selected the right candidate and I was one of the top-runners. I am very happy in my new position at YFC and happy that I ended up taking on a new role, however it doesn't change the fact that I am a bit frustrated with the common courtesy that people can't even extend when you put your life on hold for them. I will be over it momentarily but I wanted to vent for a moment.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Coming Soon...
www.derekabbott.com
Yes! I registered my own domain and I now know how to make a website with my dot mac account! I will put up a post when it is live and my new blog will be featured there as well! I am excited to know how to do some technological stuff! PTL for mac's!
Yes! I registered my own domain and I now know how to make a website with my dot mac account! I will put up a post when it is live and my new blog will be featured there as well! I am excited to know how to do some technological stuff! PTL for mac's!
Time...
Two Things...
1. It's already Sunday afternoon and I have so much to do and I really feel like I haven't had a weekend. It doesn't help to lose an hour with the time change. I am not a fan of the time change currently.
2. I worked 60 hours this past week. I was on vacation from school and filled it with more work. I am not happy with the decision. I understand it is my own fault.
Time is not on my side right now.
1. It's already Sunday afternoon and I have so much to do and I really feel like I haven't had a weekend. It doesn't help to lose an hour with the time change. I am not a fan of the time change currently.
2. I worked 60 hours this past week. I was on vacation from school and filled it with more work. I am not happy with the decision. I understand it is my own fault.
Time is not on my side right now.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Flashback 10 years
So, I had a major flashback today. I stepped on campus at Ahwahnee Middle School. My new position with YFC is directing the middle school division and so I got to go visit the Ahwahnee club before school this morning. It was totally crazy to be back on the middle school that I attended from 1996-1998. Much of the campus is the same and looks just like it was ten years ago when I left. The club was even in the classroom where I had my 7th and 8th grade english classes, good ole E4. I even ran into Mrs. Smith my old 8th grade english teacher. She looked at me and her jaw dropped when she saw me, she gave me a huge hug. What a sweet woman, somethings never change. The student population has heavily changed with many of the neighborhood kids now going to Clovis Unified School District and the majority of the Ahwahnee campus is now bused in from other areas. One thing that will never change is the fact that there will always be a warm spot in my heart for Ahwahnee Middle School. Jr. high sucks at times but I had some great teachers and made some amazing life long friends there.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Time really is a mystery
So, I find it very weird that my clocks change themselves. I have the time on my cable box and also on my alarm clock next to my bed. They are maybe six feet apart max. Well, somehow I keep noticing that my alarm clock falls behind my cable box. Right now the cable box says 11:15 and the alarm clock 11:12. I just matched them up about a week ago because they were five minutes off and in a weeks time either my cable box gained three minutes or my alarm clock lost three. I don't quite know if someone is playing a sick trick and sneaking into my house and changing them or if somehow seconds really slipping away, I guess it will remain a mystery.
Interesting Marketing...
United Church of Canada launched this three year, $9.3 million advertising campaign. I would say this is cutting edge marketing to get people to think about spiritual things. Interesting...
Things I've Been Learning
Thanks to my good friend Bec, I have been encouraged to write things i've been learning on my blog after she did so on hers.
1. Life isn't fair, yet God remains faithful.
2. Therapy is necessary for all people at some point in there life. Mine just happens to be now.
3. Frozen yogurt can really bring joy to your belly and your spirits.
4. Tattoos are permanent, however they aren't bad. I am really debating getting one.
5. Fear is a part of life, accepting it is easy learning how to overcome it is the hard part.
6. Of course my family is dysfunctional. I need to accept the obvious and then work to not believe the lie that dysfunction is my destiny.
7. The Biggest Loser is quite an encouragement. If they can lose 80+ pounds I surely can lose 15.
8. Sometimes you just gotta sing. It's food for the soul.
9. Sunday and Thursday of this week will mark some of the hardest moments of my life as I say good bye to people that are truly closer to me than family. I must remember, change is good.
10. Watching sports brings adrenaline. It's fun and exciting. If only the Bulldog's won. I think I am making up for being deprived from sports growing up.
11. Being sick can be a way for God and your body to tell you to slow down, chill out, and relax for a bit.
12. Marriage is a scary, scary thing. It may seem like fun but I am definitely not ready.
13. Everyone needs friends who will stick by you regardless of the crap you go through. I am blessed with a few amazing ones who I couldn't get through life without. (You know who you are...thank you)
14. Being a disciple takes discipline.
15. People in ministry often have to solve other peoples problems, its no wonder their own problems go unresolved.
Just some thoughts I am processing. Here's to a great new week!
1. Life isn't fair, yet God remains faithful.
2. Therapy is necessary for all people at some point in there life. Mine just happens to be now.
3. Frozen yogurt can really bring joy to your belly and your spirits.
4. Tattoos are permanent, however they aren't bad. I am really debating getting one.
5. Fear is a part of life, accepting it is easy learning how to overcome it is the hard part.
6. Of course my family is dysfunctional. I need to accept the obvious and then work to not believe the lie that dysfunction is my destiny.
7. The Biggest Loser is quite an encouragement. If they can lose 80+ pounds I surely can lose 15.
8. Sometimes you just gotta sing. It's food for the soul.
9. Sunday and Thursday of this week will mark some of the hardest moments of my life as I say good bye to people that are truly closer to me than family. I must remember, change is good.
10. Watching sports brings adrenaline. It's fun and exciting. If only the Bulldog's won. I think I am making up for being deprived from sports growing up.
11. Being sick can be a way for God and your body to tell you to slow down, chill out, and relax for a bit.
12. Marriage is a scary, scary thing. It may seem like fun but I am definitely not ready.
13. Everyone needs friends who will stick by you regardless of the crap you go through. I am blessed with a few amazing ones who I couldn't get through life without. (You know who you are...thank you)
14. Being a disciple takes discipline.
15. People in ministry often have to solve other peoples problems, its no wonder their own problems go unresolved.
Just some thoughts I am processing. Here's to a great new week!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Where is the silver lining?
Silver Lining: a sign of hope in an unfortunate or gloomy situation; a bright prospect.
Do you ever ask yourself, where is the silver lining in a situation? I find myself doing that more so now than ever. My family is a mess. A complete and total mess. Let's face it, my family has been a mess for sometime but I guess I have decided to block it out and pretend like it wasn't there. I can't pretend anymore and it is taking an emotional toll. I often wonder what it would be like if I was birthed into a different family, one that got along, one with less problems and dysfunctions. But then I realized wondering will do no good because it won't change the cards that I have been dealt.
Today marks one year since my grandpa passed away. (Mom's dad) It was 365 days ago that I woke up to a phone call from my mom that he was gone. I drove to the bay area and sat there with my grandma as she was in pure shock. (I call her my grandma even though she was my grandpa's significant other for over 30 years and never married). One year later my uncle, who I have met a total of a few times in my life, is suing my mom over assets. Is that the beauty of family? My grandpa's boys didn't bother to even call him for years and years and once he's gone they want everything under the sun. Is that how family is meant to be?
My aunt (dad's sister) is sick and the doctors don't know what to do. She's in her early 50's and could by dying. Her brain is swelling and she doesn't even comprehend most of the world around her any more. I can't imagine what this will do to my family is she passes away before her own parents. Is this fair? She has four kids and a husband and parents who love her. Life isn't fair, I am continually reminded.
My dad continues to live his life addicted to pain medications, laid up in bed at home. He hasn't worked in over twenty years and swears to be sick all the time. Most of the time I think the sickness is in his head and he just wants everyone to think he is a physical mess. In all reality its all phycological and a lack of knowing what to do with life. What's even worse is that he has the nerve to try and dictate everyone's lives. Not mine, I don't give him that power. But my sister and my mom, that is a different story. Why did I get the short end of the stick when it comes to families? Why can't my dad be the a leader, a role model, an inspiration? I guess it is just the way the cookie crumbles.
My sister who is 18 years old is having to go through the pain that I experienced some six years ago. She is an adult, getting ready to graduate high school and yet my father wants to still control every aspect of her life. I was lucky enough to move out of his home a week after high school graduation and not turn back. I was stubborn and wasn't not going to back down, I was going to be my own man. I have made some bad choices along the way but I don't regret leaving. It is sad to think of the pain it caused my mom, but I don't blame her. She has tried to be the best mom she could be. Mom, I love you, you did your best. My sister wants to go to FPU for college...in the same city some 10-15 miles from my parents home, but my dad will having nothing of the idea. It's not in a good location, it cost too much money, and heaven forbid my sister want to move out and live on campus. He wants to keep her under his thumb and make decisions for her...a scary thought when we can't even make a decision for himself and needs my mom to do everything for him. Take a stand, be willing to follow your dreams, those are my words to my sister. She is bright, beautiful, amazingly gifted. She can be anything she wants, if she boldly takes a stand. It is my prayer that she will follow her dreams and let nothing stand in her way, including our father.
The future is unknown but is it any mystery why the fact of getting married scares the crap out of me? I refuse to be in a marriage that is filled with pain, abuse and hatred. I refuse to bring up children in a world in which I was brought up in. Is it wrong that I would rather not bring other people into the dysfunction that I have known for 24 years, 3 three months, and 4 days? Change needs to occur. I don't know what that looks like but I refused to continue on in this hell known as family. I deserve more and I will stand for change. No looking back, only looking forward to the future. It may seem like there is no silver lining right now, but I am holding onto hope that it is out there, I just have yet to find it.
Do you ever ask yourself, where is the silver lining in a situation? I find myself doing that more so now than ever. My family is a mess. A complete and total mess. Let's face it, my family has been a mess for sometime but I guess I have decided to block it out and pretend like it wasn't there. I can't pretend anymore and it is taking an emotional toll. I often wonder what it would be like if I was birthed into a different family, one that got along, one with less problems and dysfunctions. But then I realized wondering will do no good because it won't change the cards that I have been dealt.
Today marks one year since my grandpa passed away. (Mom's dad) It was 365 days ago that I woke up to a phone call from my mom that he was gone. I drove to the bay area and sat there with my grandma as she was in pure shock. (I call her my grandma even though she was my grandpa's significant other for over 30 years and never married). One year later my uncle, who I have met a total of a few times in my life, is suing my mom over assets. Is that the beauty of family? My grandpa's boys didn't bother to even call him for years and years and once he's gone they want everything under the sun. Is that how family is meant to be?
My aunt (dad's sister) is sick and the doctors don't know what to do. She's in her early 50's and could by dying. Her brain is swelling and she doesn't even comprehend most of the world around her any more. I can't imagine what this will do to my family is she passes away before her own parents. Is this fair? She has four kids and a husband and parents who love her. Life isn't fair, I am continually reminded.
My dad continues to live his life addicted to pain medications, laid up in bed at home. He hasn't worked in over twenty years and swears to be sick all the time. Most of the time I think the sickness is in his head and he just wants everyone to think he is a physical mess. In all reality its all phycological and a lack of knowing what to do with life. What's even worse is that he has the nerve to try and dictate everyone's lives. Not mine, I don't give him that power. But my sister and my mom, that is a different story. Why did I get the short end of the stick when it comes to families? Why can't my dad be the a leader, a role model, an inspiration? I guess it is just the way the cookie crumbles.
My sister who is 18 years old is having to go through the pain that I experienced some six years ago. She is an adult, getting ready to graduate high school and yet my father wants to still control every aspect of her life. I was lucky enough to move out of his home a week after high school graduation and not turn back. I was stubborn and wasn't not going to back down, I was going to be my own man. I have made some bad choices along the way but I don't regret leaving. It is sad to think of the pain it caused my mom, but I don't blame her. She has tried to be the best mom she could be. Mom, I love you, you did your best. My sister wants to go to FPU for college...in the same city some 10-15 miles from my parents home, but my dad will having nothing of the idea. It's not in a good location, it cost too much money, and heaven forbid my sister want to move out and live on campus. He wants to keep her under his thumb and make decisions for her...a scary thought when we can't even make a decision for himself and needs my mom to do everything for him. Take a stand, be willing to follow your dreams, those are my words to my sister. She is bright, beautiful, amazingly gifted. She can be anything she wants, if she boldly takes a stand. It is my prayer that she will follow her dreams and let nothing stand in her way, including our father.
The future is unknown but is it any mystery why the fact of getting married scares the crap out of me? I refuse to be in a marriage that is filled with pain, abuse and hatred. I refuse to bring up children in a world in which I was brought up in. Is it wrong that I would rather not bring other people into the dysfunction that I have known for 24 years, 3 three months, and 4 days? Change needs to occur. I don't know what that looks like but I refused to continue on in this hell known as family. I deserve more and I will stand for change. No looking back, only looking forward to the future. It may seem like there is no silver lining right now, but I am holding onto hope that it is out there, I just have yet to find it.
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