N'Sync Said It Best...

BYE BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!

PTL for vacations!!!!!

A Semester Passed...

It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep so I thought I would get up for a bit before I return to sleep.

My first semester at Fresno Pacific is now part of my past. I concluded my last final on Thursday at about 10:30am. What a relief I now feel and also a sense of accomplishment. It feels like it was just yesterday that it was August and I was scared out of my mind of the thought of balancing full time work with full time (14 units) of school. I remember thinking there was no way that I could do it. There were a few times along the way that I felt like I wanted to give up but by God's grace and the encouragement of friends, I made it to the finish line. A few semesters remain and I will be done. I am sure they will fly by just as fast as this one and shall become just memories in mind.

Overall this semester was pretty awesome. I made some amazing new friends at FPU as well as met some pretty cool professors and staff. I was challenged with the information that I learned and really have began to analyze what I want to do in my future. There were many frustrations with things such as units transferring, trying to get my schedule just right, and issues with financial aid, but all in all I am grateful for this semester...it was worth the stress at times, the little frustrations, and even the feelings of fear that I could not make it.

Thank you to my friends at FPU, my processors, the staff, and especially one of my bestest friends, Becky Kruse, for her commitment to FPU and her friendship to me. Thank you BK for letting me ask your questions, vent in frustration, and come over to steal your food...I love ya! PTL this semester is complete!

I don't want this to be me, how about you?

“Years wasted in vain regrets, energies dissipated in haphazard relationships and projects, emotions blunted, passive before whatever experiences the day brings, they are like snoring sleepers who resent having their peace disturbed. Their existential mistrust of God, the world, and even themselves underlies their inability to make a passionate commitment to anyone or anything.” -Brennan Manning

Gotta Love Christmas

So, I was driving yesterday and I saw this small little car. It was two-door and had a Christmas tree tied to the roof and no joke the tree was longer than the car. The funny part is that the car had a sunroof...the passenger in the car was reaching up through the sunroof and had his arms wrapped around the tree, holding it for dear life. I stopped, laughed in amusement, and thought this is why I love Christmas!

A passage put pretty bluntly...

"Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and disapproval. They hold the power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirits soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking moment of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead. You live by their norms, conform to their standards, seek their company, desire their love, dread their ridicule, long for their applause, meekly submit to the guild they lay upon you; you are terrified to go against the fashion in the way you dress or speak or act or event think. And observe how even when you control them you depend on them and are enslaved to them. People have become so much a part of your being that you cannot even imagine living a life that is unaffected or uncontrolled by them." -Anthony DeMello in The Way To Love

This really made me pause for a moment and take in everything that is being said. It is scary how true this can actually be and the people so often are our friends, family, loved ones. Who am I outside of people, that is a hard question to answer. People have such a control and persuasiveness over us that it is scary. My take away from this is to really evaluate how I am without having to change that for others.

Aha Moments

-The feeling of getting my Christmas shopping done start to finish in six hours.

-Seeing two high school teen boys holding signs outside of the major shopping center saying "Free Hugs". I actually got a free hug and it made me smile. I am sure those two boys made a lot of people smile, what a random act of kindness.

-Sitting in church and watching a thirteen or fourteen year old boy lean over and kiss his mom on the shoulder. Made me wish that I had experiences like that as a kid.

-Driving 20 minutes home from church with the cell phone off and the car stereo off. Just reflecting in the silence.

-That affirmation you receive when someone tells you "We appreciate what you do".

-Understanding that two hours of my time meant the world to my mom.

-Knowing that no matter how crazy life is, it's going to be okay.

A really good weekend in a nutshell.

Man Cold!

This is a shoot out to all my boys who suffer "Man Colds"!

Long time no blog...

Sorry that I have been lacking in the blog area of my life lately. I has been a bit crazy these past few weeks. Work has been non-stop busy as we are planning for a lot of upcoming events and trips. In addition, I have been working closely with my new boss to try and get him up to speed on a lot of stuff. School has also been intense! I finished my first semester of classes at FPU on Friday afternoon. This week is finals and I still have a few last minute assignments to work on and then studying for exams. But come Thursday around 11am I will be a free man!!! I will have my first semester done...seems like just yesterday I was starting FPU. Time flies when your having fun! Anywho, after this week things should slow down. I am also looking forward to my vacation! PTL for a little rest, relaxation, fun, friends, and the holidays!

Read and wanted to share...

"It hurts to love someone who will not respond, but what hurts more is to love someone and never find the courage to tell them how you feel. Maybe God wants us to meet a few incorrect people before we find the right one, so that in the end, when we meet them, we know how to be grateful for that marvelous gift. One of the saddest things in life is meeting someone who means everything in life to you, so that in the end you can realize that it was nothing. And you actually have to let them go. When the door to happiness is closed on you, another is opened, but some times we look at the closed door so much that we don’t see the one that has been opened in front of us. It is true that we don’t know what we have until we have lost it. But it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until we find it. Giving someone all your love will never guarantee their love in return, but don’t expect them to love you back, only hope that the love will grow in the others heart. But if it does not grow be happy because it grew in yours. There are things that I could find you hearing, that you would never hear from the person who you hope to hear them from, but don’t be so deaf to hear them from that person who says them from the bottom of their heart! Never say good bye if you still want to try. Never feel like you give up if you feel you can still keep winning. Never tell someone that you don’t love them if you can't let them go. Love comes to he who waits, even when he has been deceived, to the ones who have been traded on, to he who still needs to love, even though he has been hurt, and he who has the willingness to confidence again. Loving is letting those we know be who they are, and not trying to transform them into our own image, because we would only be loving the reflection of our self in them. Don’t go by exterior looks and beauty, you can be fooled. Go for someone who makes you smile and laugh. There moments in which we miss a person so much that we want to take them out of our dreams and hug them. I hope that you dream with that special someone, dream whatever you want, go wherever you want because you only have one life and one opportunity to do all that you want to do. For someone who can make a dark day shine. I hope you have sufficient happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough pain to keep you human, and enough hope to be happy. The happiest people don’t always have the best of everything, the take the best of everything they find on their journey."

Pretty Much Addicted

So, my best friend and his wife bought me the complete first season of One Tree Hill on DVD for my birthday. I have seen maybe a half of an episode of this show on television the whole time its been on. Well, needless to say I popped it in the DVD player and I am addicted. I am sure I am going to blow through the 20-something episodes pretty quickly. I am such a sucker for these kinds of shows (i.e. 90210, The OC, etc.) I usually head to bed by 11pm but I was so hooked that I stayed up past midnight last night watching. I think you can say I am addicted and at a such a busy time in life, I shouldn't have opened the DVD's until Christmas break, haha. Oh well!

With that said, I think that this show has some good values that one could pick up on. Last night I finished watching and went to bed with the overall theme that your family does not determine your destiny. If you come from a screwed up home or with parents who don't necessarily have the best ideas about life, you can grow up and not allow that to be you, if you but forth the effort to change. It gave me a hope that the sins of past generations do not have the be the sins of the future if you honestly attempt to change. So, that's my encouragement for the day.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...

Dysfunctional Family

I would like to give a shout out to all those who understand what it is like to have a dysfunctional family. I love my family, don't get me wrong, however I cling to the fact that we don't get to choose who our family is. Yesterday was the first year in about four years that my entire family got together to celebrate a holiday. You see in past years bringing everyone together at the holidays resulted in multiple outbreaks of fights. So, when I heard that we were reattempting this gathering this Thanksgiving I was a little skeptical.

Overall it wasn't horrible. Pretty much everyone has the same personalities as they did some years ago. One thing is that all the grand kids have grown older and therefore its now like a gathering of adults. Its kind of weird to see two of your cousins and know that they have gotten married since the last times you seen them. Another cousin brought his girlfriend, soon to be wife. I am okay because they are older than I but if any of the younger ones start getting married before I, I might have a problem. Haha.

It is still interesting to see how everyone interacts. We each got our plates and sat in different parts of the house with our immediate family, weird right? Well, there wasn't a table big enough for everyone but it still shows how not everyone gets along well enough to even eat all together. Well, it is what it is. I didn't create these broken relationships, but hey at least everyone is trying. I think more and more the family is trying because my grandparents are getting older and we are starting to realize they won't be around forever. It hit me yesterday that my grandma will be 70 in this coming up year. We looked at some pictures from when they were younger and it made think, wow I am starting to get older. My mom talked of how my grandpa used to hold and feed me when I was a baby. Crazy how the years pass us by.

One thing that I was really grateful for was my aunt Lydia. Technically shes my aunt, however shes only 18. My grandparents adopted her which made her their daughter and therefore my aunt. Really shes more like a cousin to me however she doesn't live down calling me her nephew. Haha. In past years we have not gotten along at all but now she has matured so much and we actually get along much better. We spent a lot of time talking yesterday and that really was the highlight of my time with the family. I actually felt like Lydia and I were finally family and she was sharing with me what is going on in her life.

So, with all that said, as dysfunctional as my family is I still love them and I am thankful to have them. I do pray that if I do have a family one day that the dysfunction will be able to slowly change and a break through in family dynamics will change. I was scared to go into Thanksgiving yesterday, but I survived and it was good to see family as awkward as it was.

Another Year Wiser?

Yesterday I hit the big 24! One more year and I will be a quarter of a century. I must say I thought I wasn't the biggest birthday person, however when your birthday falls on Thanksgiving it is kind of a bummer. I mean I had a good day but it just didn't feel like a regular birthday. I must say that I am blessed with some pretty amazing friends as Bec and Jen had me over for a pancake breakfast since they knew the rest of the day would be filled with family. Not that family is horrible, but mine is just weird and honestly spending a full day with the extended family is not something I would dream of for a birthday celebration. Luckily, I did my research and found that my birthday will fall again on Thanksgiving in five years for the big 29. This is okay, I just didn't want it to fall on my 30th Birthday because there will be a celebration on that special year. Haha! I additionally want to shout out to Megan, Ranae, Becca, and Jeff who all shared in experiencing their birthday yesterday on Thanksgiving. Its crazy to have so many friends who all have the same birthday. Anywho, Thanksgiving is over as is my birthday, so now it full swing into Christmas!!!!

Shift Happens

Thanks to Josh Long for sharing this on his blog. If this video doesn't make you think about the current state of our society and the future of this world I don't know what will. Enjoy!

Content

I don't know what it is but I really feel a place on contentment right now. Maybe it has to do with the holidays, there is something about this season that makes my heart smile from the inside out.

I really feel a place of peace in my job. For many months I have wrestled with whether I am called to stay at YFC or move elsewhere. I was at a point of leaving just some weeks ago but I really feel that God has me there for a reason and wants me to stay. I have been amazingly blessed by my new boss, Jeff. However he doesn't want me to call him boss, because we are a team and he doesn't consider himself more superior than I. His family has become my second family. He really is like that dad that I have longed to have for many years. His wife and three kids have become like a mom, brother, and two sisters. I feel truly blesses to have them in my life.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel as the semester of school at FPU comes to a close in a few weeks and I am really excited. Although finals will be stressful I can see past that knowing that there is rest in the end. I am starting to have some direction for next semester and the semesters proceeding which has also provided great relief.

I am also at an amazing place with my friends. I mean I have great friends hands down but I really feel like God is showing me the true meaning of friendship and being there for people through thick and through thin. Jen and Bec are truly the kind of friends who I will grow old with. I have amazing CL volunteers who are really amazing friends as well, Ranae, Justin, Reha, Rory, Doug, and Josh; I am so grateful to minister along side you. Lisa is back in the country and we have been able to catch up and it has been awesome! Brad as always is like the brother that I never had and he makes me laugh and encourages me in more ways than he knows. I have met some really cool people at FPU that are my new friends. And my-coworkers are more like family than friends although the fill dual roles. The list could go on and on of people who I have been so blessed with. Thank you all for being such amazing friends!

There will always be stresses in life, things on a to-do list that need to be accomplished, unexpected problems that will have to be handled, and unanswered questions...but God is bigger than it all. I encourage you to lay all the garbage in life to the side and embrace life, embrace love, cling to contentment and celebrate this holiday season with joy and thanksgiving.

Sometimes tears feel good...

I am going to fully admit the fact that I am a man and yes I cry. I think it is perfectly okay to cry and honestly sometimes it feels good. Tears came to my eyes twice on Saturday night.

First, a DVD came to my office from our national service center. It contained stories from students on how YFC and specifically Campus Life has impacted their lives. As I listened to some of the crap these teenagers have been through it hurt my heart but then they shared how a YFC adult came along side and encouraged and strengthened them, leading to a few tears. It made me think of all my co-workers and our teams of volunteers who come along side teens every week. PTL for adults who care.

Later that night I was flipping through the tv and found the movie A Walk To Remember on. I am such a sap when it comes to this movie. It can make me cry every time. Yes, this is a teen love story but it is so much more. It is beautiful. Yes, I admit when I saw it with Jen and Bec some many many years ago, I did tear up in the theater...I think I denied that for years. Haha. I am secure now in the fact that it is okay to cry in movies. Needless to say this movie made me tear up again on Saturday. There is something about love that strikes a cord in my heart. Here's a story about a popular bad boy who becomes good and falls in love with the non-popular nerdy Christian girl. Come to find out she is dying yet he does not leave her side. He marries her just days before she passes away. How freakin sad. It makes me think that there is indeed hope in love.

So, I am a big baby, I admit it. =)

Welcome Home Lisa!

It's been 27 long months and last night I got to welcome home my dear friend Lisa back home to the USA. What an exciting time it was to see her meet friends and family who have missed her so dearly. I am looking forward to catching up over a good club sandwich at the Corner Cafe with my awesome friend! Welcome home Lisa!

What Does Derek Need?

Can you tell I didn't want to write my paper?

This made me laugh. Here's how it works: Enter “yourname needs” into google and then see what the first ten entries say you need. Then post the results to your blog.

1. Derek needs a woman! (The whole world is apparently telling me now!)
2. Derek needs our mojo. (Hmmm...what exactly is mojo? I am scared if I need it)
3. Derek needs some work. (Derek has enough work people)
4. Derek needs trailer. (I'm down to be a lil trailer trash)
5. Derek needs to draw this for our darn hats. (Derek doesn't draw, sorry friends)
6. Derek needs a date. (LOL. See #1)
7. Derek needs suggestions for a good place for dinner on Sunday evening in Toronto near Bloor and Yonge; anyone? (I am down for a lil vacation in Toronto)
8. Derek needs a myspace. (Already have one, sorry)
9. Derek needs a bigger cause. (LOL. Hmmm, isn't my current cause good enough)
10. Derek needs to get behind a drum stick if you know what i mean compadre. (I don't know what you mean compadre!)

Praise God for Amazing People

I approached the door of the church in which I speaking at today and a sign read "Welcome to Saint Derek's Day, Come In" I have a hard time accepting myself as a Saint. I often feel far from it. However, I guess we are all Saint's in God's eyes.

What an amazing feeling to be embraced by an awesome group of God fearing, God loving individuals. One church member referred to the congregation as a bunch of misfits. I was invited to come and speak at Third Day Fellowship Fresno. This congregation has been praying for me for the past five years and boy do they have the power of prayer. I came this morning to share my testimony, to preach a little, and then to share what is going on through the ministry of YFC. Typically I am filled with nervousness when I speak to groups of adults, not today. Praise God. There is something about this group of people that warrants you to have no feelings of nervousness. They are the most loving and accepting people I have ever met.

After my time of sharing the church gathered around, laid hands, prayed over me, and commissioned me as a licensed minister by their congregation and church network (network being a group of non-denominational church that have joined together in affiliation). I truly felt God's presence as these people, many of which have never met me, spoke words of affirmation and support over me.

I am so blessed by this group of 30 or so amazing people who have the biggest hearts for God I have ever seen. I am blessed to be able to call them all my brothers and sisters. Thank you Pastor Dave and 3DFF for allowing me to be part of your family!

Saying good bye is never easy...

Funerals bring closure. It's a time to say your good bye's but also to reflect on a good life lived. Wait...maybe good bye's is the wrong term. I learned from a former student of mine, Katy, that you don't say good bye, you only say see ya later or talk to you soon. Ultimately, those who pass we hope to see again in Heaven.

I attended a funeral yesterday for my dear friends, Grace and Julie, mother. It was sad to sit there and think that their mother was only 53 when she passed. She had health problems and ultimately suffered a stroke which caused brain damage. After five weeks of life support she passed on to be with her Heavenly Daddy. Grace and Julie wrote a letter expressing the memories they had of their mom. I never had the chance to meet this lady but she sounded like a truly wonderful woman. She was described as being a wild one, I could totally see that looking at Julie and Grace, thats gotta be where they got it from.

Something that I think deed down I have been struggling with is closure. My grandfather passed away eight months ago and I never got to say good bye. My step-grandma choose to not have a service and I think that resulted in a lack of closure. I never got to say good bye. But I must cling to the hope that I will one day rejoice again in seeing my grandpa. I miss him. Christmas is coming and I always send him some sort of 49er themed gift since he was the biggest Niners fan I can think of. It's hard to think that this year I won't be sending that gift. This year I won't be picking up the phone to tell him Merry Christmas. I must cling to the memories that I have, knowing that he loved me and he knew I loved him.

Death is never easy, but in time the pain slips away and we are left with all the cherished memories of our loved ones. Grace and Julie, know that I love you guys and cling to those around you who are here for you during these difficult times.