Does anyone out there dislike the unknown like me? I know that there is a purpose to us not knowing the future...in a world such as we are in today we have enough information coming at us every day, but I guess sometimes I just wish I had the answers to questions, but I guess that comes with time. Questions I am currently pondering:
-Did I pass the test? I took a challenge exam to test out of a class at school and it was not what I expected. I studied the course outline but the test questions were totally out in left field. I will know tomorrow the outcome. Praying for the passing 80%.
-Do I want to commit to a new school year as a staff volunteer with Campus Life through Youth for Christ? I loved the time with the high schoolers over the past two years. I am really debating on returning in a few weeks for the new school year.
-Will my school schedule work out? After this quarter I should only have three classes and then graduate in January. I am just worried about the three classes being offered when I need them so I can graduate on time.
-What does the future housing arrangement look like for me? My current roommate will be moving out and I don't know who will be moving in or if I will stay living alone for a bit.
-Will I be well soon? I have been feeling ill since Sunday night...still not feeling the best. I wish I knew how long I will feel icky.
-What does my career look like for me? I love my current company I work for. My boss (the owner) is an amazing friend, mentor, and father figure. I love working for and with him. I love me job...although very stressful. I guess my question is...is this it? Is this the job I was finally looking for that I will spend my life at? At the age of 21 I am already feeling like I am ready to settle down...for those of you who know me I am a man who has had MANY jobs!
-How can I overcome my shortfalls? There are many areas in my life that I want to improve at with personal struggles and relationships with people. I guess I wish I had answers to how I could become a better man of God.
I guess the questions could go on and on if I wanted to keep thinking...but I am tired so I will wrap it up for now. I guess I need to learn the patience is a vertue and answers come in due time...not on my schedule. Good night and God Bless.
D~
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Where Does The Time Go???
Grrr...where does the time go? I am sitting in class right now...yes, I said class! That means a whole month has almost past and I am stuck back here at school? Why must time disapear so quickly? I guess it can be a good thing because soon enough it will be October and I will have a small break before my FINAL quarter begins. Then it will be Christmas...and then January will roll around and it will be Graduation...PTL and Thank God! Well, I must focus on Ms. V...my legally blind instructor. Bye for now.
D~
D~
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Ready Or Not...Here I Come...You Can't Hide
So, yet another week has past and I have failed to post and now people are asking when my next post would be so I thought I would put one up to entertain everyone! This will be some highlights, issues, events, thoughts, and questions from the last week or so...
-Toys are cool! I got a Blackberry Phone on Friday and a new Laptop today!
-God teaches us even when we are not wanting to be taught. It is amazing how God places people in our lives to teach us things even when we are not wanting to learn.
-The future is a scary thing because it is unknow. Why must people ask what are your plans for the future when there is no real answer until you get there!
-Men have PMS! Yesterday I felt as if I was pissed at the world! And for no reason. Every little thing bugged me and I wanted to go off on every person I came in contact with!
-Fresno is hot!
-Rental cars are fun but you start to miss your own car. Welcome back Hondie...all fixed.
-Vacations are never long enough! My new school quarter starts next week! Yuck!
-There will always be one special person out there who can relate to you and understand you even when you tell yourself no one would ever understand.
-There will always be a special place in my heart for the high school students at Campus Life. It was amazing to be around them again and fun to play laser tag for the first time.
-Lisa wants me to audition for the apprentice. Donald here I come? Auditions in San Diego in less than two weeks!
-Work is a never ending cycle. There will always be more to do tomorrow than there was today and there will never be enough hours in the day to do everything!
-The O.C. needs to come back on...I am starting to go through withdrawls from the worlds best TV show of all time!. On a side not I am really starting to like the real O.C. on my past few ventures there...the wealther is amazing...I want to move!
-Hard conversations will never be easy and sometimes it is more painful to hold in your feelings then to let them out and fear hurting someone else.
-Universal Studio's is fun but the rides are no Disney Land.
-Has the well been cloned? I swear Rock Harbor in the O.C. is like the well's twin church!
-Is it best to forget the past? The past is non-correctable...we can't take it back. Should we leave past friends in the past or should we try and be friends in the present and risk the pain and hurt of past experiences?
-Sometimes stupid things come out of people's mouths for no reason...including mine
-At the old age of 21 I feel like I am 40 and I can't even keep up with my 15 year old sister!
-A Sees Candy Milk Chocolate and Almond candy bar is da bomb! Makes me think of Jr. High and how I would eat them every day...but they priced them up to $1.50...use to be $1. Well, I helped a little girl go to church camp so it was worth it!
-Your body needs food...which I give my body...but good food has not been anywhere to be found. I am a bad man to my body! Shame on me!
-Your not getting any younger!
-Is pain worth the gain? My braces will gain me better teeth but they are hurting like a mo fo!
-It makes me sad to see the pain and hurt that someone I know is going through and to see that it will probably only get worse. You will never find would you are looking for in a lifestyle of using and abusing...it is only in Jesus that you will meet your emotional needs.
-You don't always get what you want. Not everyone cares. It is not my way or the high way.
-A friend returns home...reminds me how fast time flies!
-Sarcasim the the root of all evil. (LOL...Hi Jen!)
-How much sleep is enough sleep? How much is too much?
-Smile...it will make you feel better.
Okay, so I could go on and on and I need to close already! Good night!
D MONEY
-Toys are cool! I got a Blackberry Phone on Friday and a new Laptop today!
-God teaches us even when we are not wanting to be taught. It is amazing how God places people in our lives to teach us things even when we are not wanting to learn.
-The future is a scary thing because it is unknow. Why must people ask what are your plans for the future when there is no real answer until you get there!
-Men have PMS! Yesterday I felt as if I was pissed at the world! And for no reason. Every little thing bugged me and I wanted to go off on every person I came in contact with!
-Fresno is hot!
-Rental cars are fun but you start to miss your own car. Welcome back Hondie...all fixed.
-Vacations are never long enough! My new school quarter starts next week! Yuck!
-There will always be one special person out there who can relate to you and understand you even when you tell yourself no one would ever understand.
-There will always be a special place in my heart for the high school students at Campus Life. It was amazing to be around them again and fun to play laser tag for the first time.
-Lisa wants me to audition for the apprentice. Donald here I come? Auditions in San Diego in less than two weeks!
-Work is a never ending cycle. There will always be more to do tomorrow than there was today and there will never be enough hours in the day to do everything!
-The O.C. needs to come back on...I am starting to go through withdrawls from the worlds best TV show of all time!. On a side not I am really starting to like the real O.C. on my past few ventures there...the wealther is amazing...I want to move!
-Hard conversations will never be easy and sometimes it is more painful to hold in your feelings then to let them out and fear hurting someone else.
-Universal Studio's is fun but the rides are no Disney Land.
-Has the well been cloned? I swear Rock Harbor in the O.C. is like the well's twin church!
-Is it best to forget the past? The past is non-correctable...we can't take it back. Should we leave past friends in the past or should we try and be friends in the present and risk the pain and hurt of past experiences?
-Sometimes stupid things come out of people's mouths for no reason...including mine
-At the old age of 21 I feel like I am 40 and I can't even keep up with my 15 year old sister!
-A Sees Candy Milk Chocolate and Almond candy bar is da bomb! Makes me think of Jr. High and how I would eat them every day...but they priced them up to $1.50...use to be $1. Well, I helped a little girl go to church camp so it was worth it!
-Your body needs food...which I give my body...but good food has not been anywhere to be found. I am a bad man to my body! Shame on me!
-Your not getting any younger!
-Is pain worth the gain? My braces will gain me better teeth but they are hurting like a mo fo!
-It makes me sad to see the pain and hurt that someone I know is going through and to see that it will probably only get worse. You will never find would you are looking for in a lifestyle of using and abusing...it is only in Jesus that you will meet your emotional needs.
-You don't always get what you want. Not everyone cares. It is not my way or the high way.
-A friend returns home...reminds me how fast time flies!
-Sarcasim the the root of all evil. (LOL...Hi Jen!)
-How much sleep is enough sleep? How much is too much?
-Smile...it will make you feel better.
Okay, so I could go on and on and I need to close already! Good night!
D MONEY
Monday, July 11, 2005
The Life We Live...7/11/05
The Life We Live
If life was simple there would be no problems,
If there were no problems we would not have feelings,
We would not be able to place emotion on situations,
We would never feel hurt, pain, fear, or rejection.
If there were no hard times we would be living in a black and white world,
There would be no drugs, no poverty, no murder, no struggles,
We would live in a society where everything seemed perfect,
We would not have to deal with situations that make us sad.
If life was black and white, simple, and problem-free,
We would not be who we are today,
We would not learn from our mistakes,
We would not grow with maturity,
We would be emotionless robots walking the earth with no hope.
I am realizing more and more that life is hard. There will probably never be a day where I do not feel like there is something wrong with life, or something that I could improve on. There will never be a day where I can say that I was compassionate, loving, caring, kind, patient, helpful, nurturing, and encouraging to every person I came in contact with. I live a life of sinful nature; there will never be a time where I will mature to the level of being perfect. There is no one, other than God, who is perfect in all ways. I could sit here and think of how I have been hurt by others, but for every action of hurt I have felt, I have likewise caused hurt to others. I can put harsh blame on myself for others and tell myself that I have not been a good enough friend or a good enough person to help them with what they are going through; but I must realize that I am only one person, I can’t be everything to everyone…I can’t even work on my own problems and issues so how can I begin to help others. The blind leading the blind will never succeed, there must be a point where we realize that we are each unique and where I am weak there is someone who is strong. Asking for help is not a bad thing, we all struggle, we all stumble. Life is such an interesting thing…(if you can call life a thing), we will never fully understand life. We will never know how to completely handle life, handle situations we are faced with. All we can do is try to live a life where we have good morals and strive to do the right thing, even if it is hard to do. Life is hard but we can’t give up…there is something so much bigger than us here on this earth that we should be living for.
If life was simple there would be no problems,
If there were no problems we would not have feelings,
We would not be able to place emotion on situations,
We would never feel hurt, pain, fear, or rejection.
If there were no hard times we would be living in a black and white world,
There would be no drugs, no poverty, no murder, no struggles,
We would live in a society where everything seemed perfect,
We would not have to deal with situations that make us sad.
If life was black and white, simple, and problem-free,
We would not be who we are today,
We would not learn from our mistakes,
We would not grow with maturity,
We would be emotionless robots walking the earth with no hope.
I am realizing more and more that life is hard. There will probably never be a day where I do not feel like there is something wrong with life, or something that I could improve on. There will never be a day where I can say that I was compassionate, loving, caring, kind, patient, helpful, nurturing, and encouraging to every person I came in contact with. I live a life of sinful nature; there will never be a time where I will mature to the level of being perfect. There is no one, other than God, who is perfect in all ways. I could sit here and think of how I have been hurt by others, but for every action of hurt I have felt, I have likewise caused hurt to others. I can put harsh blame on myself for others and tell myself that I have not been a good enough friend or a good enough person to help them with what they are going through; but I must realize that I am only one person, I can’t be everything to everyone…I can’t even work on my own problems and issues so how can I begin to help others. The blind leading the blind will never succeed, there must be a point where we realize that we are each unique and where I am weak there is someone who is strong. Asking for help is not a bad thing, we all struggle, we all stumble. Life is such an interesting thing…(if you can call life a thing), we will never fully understand life. We will never know how to completely handle life, handle situations we are faced with. All we can do is try to live a life where we have good morals and strive to do the right thing, even if it is hard to do. Life is hard but we can’t give up…there is something so much bigger than us here on this earth that we should be living for.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
The Topic of Trust
What is trust? Be definition it is a firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. Something committed into the care of another; charge. So, the question I have is why do we trust? Why do we place a “firm reliance” on other people?
Most of the time when we trust in others we get hurt; thus bringing me to the topic of why we allow ourselves to trust others. We give someone our all, we trust them, and we get used, abused, and tossed aside. Or maybe we trust someone with our feelings or emotions and reveal something that is personal and this person we place our trust in betrays us by not being respectful of our feelings and broadcasting them to others. We put trust into people but in the end they only look out for themselves and then we feel like we have been stabbed in the back.
Based personal experience with trust there are two types of people; one is the giver and one is the taker. The giver trusts the taker and therefore they give all they are and they hope that the taker will become a giver one day and provide back to them. But what happens is the taker just takes and takes and never gives and eventually the giver can’t give any more. They have hit rock bottom and feel completely empty because they can’t give any more. The giver either has anger built up inside because they feel used by the taker or they feel the other extreme where they feel like a failure because they can’t give any more and they feel like they have let the taker down because they can’t go on any more.
If we know deep down that if we trust in other humans we get hurt or let down then why do we continue to trust? Is trust an emotion that is tied to each of us and therefore we can’t just not trust? People probably have levels of trust; someone like myself probably trusts people way too much and therefore I feel hurt and pain time and time again where others my not allow themselves to trust anyone because they know inside they don’t want to get hurt so they look out for themselves by limiting trust.
I always told myself that it takes trust to gain trust. If I trust others then they will trust me and no one will get hurt. But the more I think about that I feel like it is a lie. If I trust others and I think they trust me, then I get hurt by trusting them because they betray me, then I feel even worse because I feel like I allowed myself to get hurt by not guarding my heart, my emotions, and my feelings.
I guess people are people. I hate to say that often we can’t trust others because it is our human nature that makes us no where near perfect and therefore we are going to let other people down. I often wonder why I trust humans more than I trust God. He is really the only one who has complete control over my life and I should be willing to trust Him more than anyone else because He is not going to purposely hurt me; but yet somewhere inside I feel like I can’t even trust Him.
Today’s conclusion trust = hurt.
Most of the time when we trust in others we get hurt; thus bringing me to the topic of why we allow ourselves to trust others. We give someone our all, we trust them, and we get used, abused, and tossed aside. Or maybe we trust someone with our feelings or emotions and reveal something that is personal and this person we place our trust in betrays us by not being respectful of our feelings and broadcasting them to others. We put trust into people but in the end they only look out for themselves and then we feel like we have been stabbed in the back.
Based personal experience with trust there are two types of people; one is the giver and one is the taker. The giver trusts the taker and therefore they give all they are and they hope that the taker will become a giver one day and provide back to them. But what happens is the taker just takes and takes and never gives and eventually the giver can’t give any more. They have hit rock bottom and feel completely empty because they can’t give any more. The giver either has anger built up inside because they feel used by the taker or they feel the other extreme where they feel like a failure because they can’t give any more and they feel like they have let the taker down because they can’t go on any more.
If we know deep down that if we trust in other humans we get hurt or let down then why do we continue to trust? Is trust an emotion that is tied to each of us and therefore we can’t just not trust? People probably have levels of trust; someone like myself probably trusts people way too much and therefore I feel hurt and pain time and time again where others my not allow themselves to trust anyone because they know inside they don’t want to get hurt so they look out for themselves by limiting trust.
I always told myself that it takes trust to gain trust. If I trust others then they will trust me and no one will get hurt. But the more I think about that I feel like it is a lie. If I trust others and I think they trust me, then I get hurt by trusting them because they betray me, then I feel even worse because I feel like I allowed myself to get hurt by not guarding my heart, my emotions, and my feelings.
I guess people are people. I hate to say that often we can’t trust others because it is our human nature that makes us no where near perfect and therefore we are going to let other people down. I often wonder why I trust humans more than I trust God. He is really the only one who has complete control over my life and I should be willing to trust Him more than anyone else because He is not going to purposely hurt me; but yet somewhere inside I feel like I can’t even trust Him.
Today’s conclusion trust = hurt.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Home, Home On The Range...
So, I have been horrible at keeping my Blog updated. But I am home, home on the range! I had finals this past week and I am finally done with school for the quarter! I have a month off from school!!! I promise to post more often. Lifa has been hectic and stressful but I am still movin right along. Finals, the new job, drama with selling the condo, and an at-fault fender bender, and finding out shockig news about some people all toped my list of events this week! It was a long day and I am tired...so until tomorrow...good night!
~DA~
~DA~
Sunday, June 26, 2005
The Greater Things In Life
Hello My Cyber Blog Readers...
So, I have really been pondering the whole idea of the Blog. Yes, I admit that as some of you have ntoed I have not spent much time lately updating my Blog and I do appoligize. I was also thinking about what the purpose of a Blog is. Some people use it to post pictures, others note events while they are traveling on road trips or even internationally away from home, and some do it post random thoughts on specific topics within the media or top reason about a certain subject. For me a Blog is some of those but really not one in particular. My Blog is away for me to update my friends on my life because I don't always make the time for a one-on-one call or e-mail. But more importantly my Blog is a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings on what is going on in my life. God blessed me with a new friend this week that just so happened to find my Blog via it linked on my profile through my church. Now we are dialoging via e-mail and it has been a great experience.
So, with that said I am going to move into the Greater Things In Life. I have really been thinking this week and looking at so many aspects of my life and the lives of others around me. I have realized how amazenly blessed I am in so many areas, how God has provided for me. Looking around I realize that really I should have nothing, I deserve nothing in life, yet I have so very much. I have a great job, a place to live, a car to drive, food to eat, clothes to wear, and most importantly amazing people in my life; Friends that I could not imagine living without. I am a sinner and I deserve nothing jet my l ife is so full and rich.
Often I focus on the negative. I focus on what I could do better. I focus on what I should achieve. I focus on what I did wrong, and beat myself up at times. I think of how people treat me and let it impact me negatively. Yet, I don't often focus enough on all the good that is happening in my life and all the good I could do if I tried and applied myself even more to serving and loving others. I was driving homw and heard the words of a song "More of you and less of me". How truse that is, how we should focus more on God and more on other people and less on ourselves. This life that we are given is to be to used to focus on ourselves and think about me, me, me yet that is how it is so much, living so much in the moment and in materialisticness.
Often on my Blog I post things that stress me out or are troubling me. Tonight as I review a little of my week I am only going to focus on the postive and how much God truely worked in my life. Highlights of the week...
-Two of my friends came home from being out of the country! Lisa was gone for three months to Norway and is back! I had a great time welcoming her back at the airport. Becky is back from a month of backpacking in Europe. It was great to see her these past two days!
-I have had an amazing week communicating with one of my really good friends, Brad. We are both working through issues together and keeping eachother accountable which is awesome. I need someone to ask me the hard questions and he has done that and I am so blessed. God has provided me with an awesome brother and I am so grateful!
-My job is going great. I l ove all that I am doing. I am learning so much about myself and about others. I am remembering that God is in control of my career and the company I work for and I need to focus on asking Him for the strenth in everything that I do with my work. I also heard a testimony of one of our vendors yesterday that really touched my heart.
-School is almost out. I have 4 more days, which is finals, then I get all of July off! I am so excited to finish. I had a good week spending time with friends at school!
-My condo is sold. It should close escrow in the next 1-2 weeks. I am so blessed that I don't have to find somewhere else to move to. And I get to keep living under the same roof with my awesome roommate, Oren. An answer to prayers! I owe a big thanks to Will for all his help with selling the place!
-As I mentioned earlier, I met a new friend, Mario, who found my Blog and posted on it. He seems like an awesome guy and has been an encouragement in e-mails. I am looking forward to meeting him in person.
-Today I was able to spend time with a bunch of friends and it was great. I spent time with my ex-girlfriend Jen. She is an amazing girl. God has really shown me how fantastic she is after we seperated. I am blessed that we are able to be friends and I am learning how truely gifted and beautiful she is and I thank God for showing this to me and allowing us to remain friends through all of this. I also spent time with the gang...Bec, Neen, Scott, Jason, Jen, Mark, etc. I really love all of these people. I really thought that I would be losing my friendship with them because of my break-up with Jen, but God has shown me that my friends are my friends and they are going to stick by my side. It warmed my heart to see all of them after some weeks.
-My family. I am realzing how much I love my family. Even though I don't see them often I love them so much. It is nice to talk to my mom, dad, and sister on the phone and see them from time to time. I am starting to move past some of ths issues I have with the past and see that my parents are proud of me and love me for who I am as their son and I should love them for who they are regardless of the past. I also talked to my grandma on the phone yesterday and it made me sad and happy all at once. Sad that I have not made the effort to see my extended family more, but happy because she expressed how proud of me she was and how much she loves me.
-Friends. I have such a diverse group of friends that all have such a huge impact on my life. I am blessed every day for each and every one of them! Thank you for sticking by my side always....Brad, Oren, Jen, Bec, Neen, Scott, Jason, Megan, Jen D., Brett, Liz, Cece, Bethany, Ronson, Will, Stan, Matt, Mario, Lisa, Jesse, Stacey, Luke, Allen, Steve, Kristina, Traci, Linda, Morgan, Dave, Adam...the list could go on and on for miles.
Well, It is getting late so I should post and go to bed. Before I go, I must appligize. I am sorry to whoever posted on my blog as "Annomous". I posted harsh works back to you and I was not showing the love and compassion that I should have. You have every right to post your comments and not list your name. So, if you are reading this I hope you will forgive me and know that I value your words. Good night and God Bless.
In Him,
Derek
So, I have really been pondering the whole idea of the Blog. Yes, I admit that as some of you have ntoed I have not spent much time lately updating my Blog and I do appoligize. I was also thinking about what the purpose of a Blog is. Some people use it to post pictures, others note events while they are traveling on road trips or even internationally away from home, and some do it post random thoughts on specific topics within the media or top reason about a certain subject. For me a Blog is some of those but really not one in particular. My Blog is away for me to update my friends on my life because I don't always make the time for a one-on-one call or e-mail. But more importantly my Blog is a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings on what is going on in my life. God blessed me with a new friend this week that just so happened to find my Blog via it linked on my profile through my church. Now we are dialoging via e-mail and it has been a great experience.
So, with that said I am going to move into the Greater Things In Life. I have really been thinking this week and looking at so many aspects of my life and the lives of others around me. I have realized how amazenly blessed I am in so many areas, how God has provided for me. Looking around I realize that really I should have nothing, I deserve nothing in life, yet I have so very much. I have a great job, a place to live, a car to drive, food to eat, clothes to wear, and most importantly amazing people in my life; Friends that I could not imagine living without. I am a sinner and I deserve nothing jet my l ife is so full and rich.
Often I focus on the negative. I focus on what I could do better. I focus on what I should achieve. I focus on what I did wrong, and beat myself up at times. I think of how people treat me and let it impact me negatively. Yet, I don't often focus enough on all the good that is happening in my life and all the good I could do if I tried and applied myself even more to serving and loving others. I was driving homw and heard the words of a song "More of you and less of me". How truse that is, how we should focus more on God and more on other people and less on ourselves. This life that we are given is to be to used to focus on ourselves and think about me, me, me yet that is how it is so much, living so much in the moment and in materialisticness.
Often on my Blog I post things that stress me out or are troubling me. Tonight as I review a little of my week I am only going to focus on the postive and how much God truely worked in my life. Highlights of the week...
-Two of my friends came home from being out of the country! Lisa was gone for three months to Norway and is back! I had a great time welcoming her back at the airport. Becky is back from a month of backpacking in Europe. It was great to see her these past two days!
-I have had an amazing week communicating with one of my really good friends, Brad. We are both working through issues together and keeping eachother accountable which is awesome. I need someone to ask me the hard questions and he has done that and I am so blessed. God has provided me with an awesome brother and I am so grateful!
-My job is going great. I l ove all that I am doing. I am learning so much about myself and about others. I am remembering that God is in control of my career and the company I work for and I need to focus on asking Him for the strenth in everything that I do with my work. I also heard a testimony of one of our vendors yesterday that really touched my heart.
-School is almost out. I have 4 more days, which is finals, then I get all of July off! I am so excited to finish. I had a good week spending time with friends at school!
-My condo is sold. It should close escrow in the next 1-2 weeks. I am so blessed that I don't have to find somewhere else to move to. And I get to keep living under the same roof with my awesome roommate, Oren. An answer to prayers! I owe a big thanks to Will for all his help with selling the place!
-As I mentioned earlier, I met a new friend, Mario, who found my Blog and posted on it. He seems like an awesome guy and has been an encouragement in e-mails. I am looking forward to meeting him in person.
-Today I was able to spend time with a bunch of friends and it was great. I spent time with my ex-girlfriend Jen. She is an amazing girl. God has really shown me how fantastic she is after we seperated. I am blessed that we are able to be friends and I am learning how truely gifted and beautiful she is and I thank God for showing this to me and allowing us to remain friends through all of this. I also spent time with the gang...Bec, Neen, Scott, Jason, Jen, Mark, etc. I really love all of these people. I really thought that I would be losing my friendship with them because of my break-up with Jen, but God has shown me that my friends are my friends and they are going to stick by my side. It warmed my heart to see all of them after some weeks.
-My family. I am realzing how much I love my family. Even though I don't see them often I love them so much. It is nice to talk to my mom, dad, and sister on the phone and see them from time to time. I am starting to move past some of ths issues I have with the past and see that my parents are proud of me and love me for who I am as their son and I should love them for who they are regardless of the past. I also talked to my grandma on the phone yesterday and it made me sad and happy all at once. Sad that I have not made the effort to see my extended family more, but happy because she expressed how proud of me she was and how much she loves me.
-Friends. I have such a diverse group of friends that all have such a huge impact on my life. I am blessed every day for each and every one of them! Thank you for sticking by my side always....Brad, Oren, Jen, Bec, Neen, Scott, Jason, Megan, Jen D., Brett, Liz, Cece, Bethany, Ronson, Will, Stan, Matt, Mario, Lisa, Jesse, Stacey, Luke, Allen, Steve, Kristina, Traci, Linda, Morgan, Dave, Adam...the list could go on and on for miles.
Well, It is getting late so I should post and go to bed. Before I go, I must appligize. I am sorry to whoever posted on my blog as "Annomous". I posted harsh works back to you and I was not showing the love and compassion that I should have. You have every right to post your comments and not list your name. So, if you are reading this I hope you will forgive me and know that I value your words. Good night and God Bless.
In Him,
Derek
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Rewind The Week
So, I have not posted all week because as always I have been way busy...so I will rewind the week and post what happened this week...
Started my new job on Monday. It was a great week. I got a lot accomplished for my new company and enjoyed everything I am doing. It is a completly different environment but I enjoy it. I even pulled a late nighter installing new office furniture until 1:30am one night...what was I thinking?
School is going well. I have a big paper and presentation that I have to do on poetry...I don't even want to do it, have yet to begin. Call me lame but something about literature just doesn't make me excited to do my school work! The good news is I have two weeks left of school, 8 total school nights and then I will have a month off, hurray!
On a better note the condo did sell. And Oren (roommate) and me don't have to move because an investor bought it and is renting it back to us. This made me very happy. I was not looking forward to finding somewhere to like and to pack and move.
This weekend has been fun and has already flown by. Friday night I went out with some old high school friends and we went dancing at The Red Room. I got to bust a move, it was fun. At the same I looked around and saw a lot of people, and realized that I did not want to be the way some of them were. It brought back past memories and at the same time showed a lot of hurting people who were drinking alcohol and having sex with their clothes on which you knew would lead to them hooking up with random strangers when the club closed. It made me see how many people out there really need Jesus. Saturday was fun...I went to a birthday party and then a graduation party, and then dinner and a movie with my boys for another friends birthday. We saw Batman, it was pretty good, a little long though.
Well, I must close for now. It is Fathers Day and I have to get to my parents house. Will try to update more later. Good bye friends!
Derek
Started my new job on Monday. It was a great week. I got a lot accomplished for my new company and enjoyed everything I am doing. It is a completly different environment but I enjoy it. I even pulled a late nighter installing new office furniture until 1:30am one night...what was I thinking?
School is going well. I have a big paper and presentation that I have to do on poetry...I don't even want to do it, have yet to begin. Call me lame but something about literature just doesn't make me excited to do my school work! The good news is I have two weeks left of school, 8 total school nights and then I will have a month off, hurray!
On a better note the condo did sell. And Oren (roommate) and me don't have to move because an investor bought it and is renting it back to us. This made me very happy. I was not looking forward to finding somewhere to like and to pack and move.
This weekend has been fun and has already flown by. Friday night I went out with some old high school friends and we went dancing at The Red Room. I got to bust a move, it was fun. At the same I looked around and saw a lot of people, and realized that I did not want to be the way some of them were. It brought back past memories and at the same time showed a lot of hurting people who were drinking alcohol and having sex with their clothes on which you knew would lead to them hooking up with random strangers when the club closed. It made me see how many people out there really need Jesus. Saturday was fun...I went to a birthday party and then a graduation party, and then dinner and a movie with my boys for another friends birthday. We saw Batman, it was pretty good, a little long though.
Well, I must close for now. It is Fathers Day and I have to get to my parents house. Will try to update more later. Good bye friends!
Derek
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up?!?!?
Hello Cyber World...
And more important hello Anonymous! So, who is "Anonymous"? Good question! I don't know the answer that is why I am asking? So, some chicken thought it would be cool to post anonymous comments on my blog! Comments that hurt my heart because I mean come on why you gotta talk smack on my posts and my past relationship? And on top of that post smack on a pic I posted on my hecka tight roommate? Some of you probably are lost by this post, well go to my May archives and read the comments by "Anonymous"...someone thought it would be cool to post crap on my blog and not say who they are. Sooooo not cool! I mean I have not issue with critisim so lets be real here...just tell me to my face, or if not to my face post your name with your comments. It is not cool to post stuff anonymously because it means you are too chicken to attach your name to it. If you want to hate on a brother then hate with your name. No hard feelings here, so Mr. or Ms. Anonymous reveal yourself...I mean even Spiderman has to reveal himself to Jane eventually so who are you? Mad love to my cyber world. The blog madman over and out! Peace!
D Shizzle For Nizzle!
And more important hello Anonymous! So, who is "Anonymous"? Good question! I don't know the answer that is why I am asking? So, some chicken thought it would be cool to post anonymous comments on my blog! Comments that hurt my heart because I mean come on why you gotta talk smack on my posts and my past relationship? And on top of that post smack on a pic I posted on my hecka tight roommate? Some of you probably are lost by this post, well go to my May archives and read the comments by "Anonymous"...someone thought it would be cool to post crap on my blog and not say who they are. Sooooo not cool! I mean I have not issue with critisim so lets be real here...just tell me to my face, or if not to my face post your name with your comments. It is not cool to post stuff anonymously because it means you are too chicken to attach your name to it. If you want to hate on a brother then hate with your name. No hard feelings here, so Mr. or Ms. Anonymous reveal yourself...I mean even Spiderman has to reveal himself to Jane eventually so who are you? Mad love to my cyber world. The blog madman over and out! Peace!
D Shizzle For Nizzle!
Closing Time...One Last Call For...
Friday was my last day with Citizens Business Bank. Monday marks my new journey as Chief Operations Officer at Common Wealth Funding and Real Estate. Friday was kinda sad as I cleaned out my desk and said my good byes to come wonderful people. As I look over the last 90 days I have good memories with a great group of people. But here is to the future! Cheers!
Derek
(Pic's from my last day at the bank below this post)
Derek
(Pic's from my last day at the bank below this post)
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Mixed Emotions...Happy and Sad All At Once
Just a quick post before the work day is over. Today was a day of mixed emotions. It hit me that in two days I am leaving my friends at CBB. With my last day fast approaching I realize that my job is really changing. The new hire starts tomorrow and I train her for the next two days. An e-mail was sent out wishing me best of luck and announcing my successor. My co-workers took me out for a going away lunch today. I guess a week and a half ago I did not think that all of this would come so quickly but that is what they call a two week notice, right? I am happy and excited for my new position and the new projects I will be taking on. But I am sad to leave such a great bunch of people. I guess it is not as bad as when I left CTX because those people were like family and they turned their backs on me when I left, but regardless I am still going to miss the gang at CBB even though we were not extremely close. Well, that is it...me venting my emotions! Until next time!
Derek
Derek
Monday, June 06, 2005
Who care about the French?
So, I am in class and I am researchng the economic institutions and value systems of the French. And I am REALLY bored...I can't focus on researching so instead I am Blogging! (Side note...Becky is in France...Bec if your out there can you do this research for me, lol)
Today...another day of life passed by. Work is really boring right now! I can't wait until Friday...my last day! Then I can start my new job! I just need to get past the next four days and then I can celebrate. I am really realzing that my career drives how my day goes, I realize that is unhealthy. But when you are at work for 8 hours, the main hours of your day, how can that not impact how you feel. I was bored today thus I am tired tonight.
I did however have a fun weekend. I met some new people, saw some old friends, and just hung out and relaxed. It was good times. I am looking forward to more weekends! Especially weekends without homework, come on July!
The condo is occuping a huge amount of time. My phone is ringing off the hook with people who want more details or want to see it. Who knew real estate was such a hot market, okay I guess I did since I work in it, but still I want some rest! I am starting to realize realtors may not have a hard job but they have a job that takes up a TON of thier time! I can't wait for it to go in escrow so I can say sold, not more showings! I know that God has the right people out there and soon enough it will be sold, I mean it has only been on the market three and a half days!
Friendship is such an amazing thing. Being single really makes me see things differently. For so long I did not pour into my friends and neglected many of them because I was in a relationship. And I have realized more recently how important people are in my life. God has placed amazing individuals in my life and I am blessed to be able to share time with them. My roommate Oren is awesome and I had a blast hanging out with him this weekend. I have so many other good friends that I am just now getting to know on deeper levels and I am so excited about that. So, I guess to all of you out there who are reading...thanks for being my friend! ;o)
Well, back to my research. Good night, sleep tight, cyber world.
D~
Today...another day of life passed by. Work is really boring right now! I can't wait until Friday...my last day! Then I can start my new job! I just need to get past the next four days and then I can celebrate. I am really realzing that my career drives how my day goes, I realize that is unhealthy. But when you are at work for 8 hours, the main hours of your day, how can that not impact how you feel. I was bored today thus I am tired tonight.
I did however have a fun weekend. I met some new people, saw some old friends, and just hung out and relaxed. It was good times. I am looking forward to more weekends! Especially weekends without homework, come on July!
The condo is occuping a huge amount of time. My phone is ringing off the hook with people who want more details or want to see it. Who knew real estate was such a hot market, okay I guess I did since I work in it, but still I want some rest! I am starting to realize realtors may not have a hard job but they have a job that takes up a TON of thier time! I can't wait for it to go in escrow so I can say sold, not more showings! I know that God has the right people out there and soon enough it will be sold, I mean it has only been on the market three and a half days!
Friendship is such an amazing thing. Being single really makes me see things differently. For so long I did not pour into my friends and neglected many of them because I was in a relationship. And I have realized more recently how important people are in my life. God has placed amazing individuals in my life and I am blessed to be able to share time with them. My roommate Oren is awesome and I had a blast hanging out with him this weekend. I have so many other good friends that I am just now getting to know on deeper levels and I am so excited about that. So, I guess to all of you out there who are reading...thanks for being my friend! ;o)
Well, back to my research. Good night, sleep tight, cyber world.
D~
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Get Your Own Identity!
So, today my roommate, Oren, says I am stealing his identity. He said everything about him I am taking...his music, his sayings, and his ladies. So, Oren this is a public appoligy...I know that I can not be as pimp as you and I am sorry for trying to be someone I can't. ;o)
In thinking about identity, since it really has been on my mind, how many of us try to be someone or something that we are not? I mean we see things on tv or in movies that cause us to strive to be someone that we are not. And girls probably more so then guys (no offense ladies). I mean we have been brought up to sell ourselves...be the greatest and the ladest to win popularity, class, or even a position in the career world. Personally, I will admit that I tend to go with societies standards...I want to have the latest clothes, a cool car, a fun ring tone on my cell phone...and so on and so forth...but I really wonder, why? How many people are truely unique...I mean we are all unique but how many people don't care what others will think or say about them and do things not based on the influence of the media or society/other people? I would have to say that I try to be an individual. I try to speak my mind and let people know that I am not going to be fake just so that I don't have to confront a situation about them not liking me for who I am. On a different token I think you can lose your identity based on the people we are around. If we are in relationship with a person and we can mold who we are around them and become more of one than two individuals. The same could go for friends and a person becoming more like another person and losing who they are or the morals they may have.
So, enough rambling. This week was very interesting, and jam packed to say the least. Monday was a fantastic day of no school and no work! I enjoyed relaxing! Tuesday was back to work and the day of giving notice at work. I was really scared of letting people down and being treated poorly by co-workers and managers who were angry but everyone took it well and were happy for me...except for me new nick-name "Short Timer" No school on Tuesday night either which allowed me to hang out and have dinner with my good friend Brad. Wednesday was nother tyical day at work as was Thursday and Friday...not a whole lot of action and not very fun work to do actually! Wednesday and Thursday night I had class, it was fun to a certain extent. Fun because it was onlyt two nights instead of four and fun because I got to hang out with my friends Bethany and Cece. Thursday night I had a two hour break between classes and I watched Gilmore Girls with Oren. I realized how much I liked that show...and yes I admit it is totally a chick show but I have my sensitve side! Friday I had lunch with my friend Craig which was a nice hang out time. Friday night I cleaned my condo a bit because it went on the market for sale. I then had a bite to eat with my new boss. Followed by hanging out with my friend Brad, where we cruised Blackstone Avenue...yes like lamos in high school lol. We then went over to one of his friends house...which ended up also being the house of some people that I went to high school with which was cool. We watched "Be Cool". It was kinda lame...so anyone who wants to rent it...well a word to the wise, the story line is not too enjoyable and the it was not a very funny comedy, but these are just my opinions. Today, I showed my condo to two people and had six calls, so it was a productive day. I ran some errands and went shopping with Oren and got me some new summer clothes! I had an enjoyable time this evening talking with Oren's And soon I will be turning in to bed as I am probably going on a venture on a small plane to Orange County tomorrow...yes OC here I am come...Seth, Summer, Ryan, and Marissa...haha, okay more like a business trip but whatever.
Good night and God Bless...
Until A later date and time.
Derek
In thinking about identity, since it really has been on my mind, how many of us try to be someone or something that we are not? I mean we see things on tv or in movies that cause us to strive to be someone that we are not. And girls probably more so then guys (no offense ladies). I mean we have been brought up to sell ourselves...be the greatest and the ladest to win popularity, class, or even a position in the career world. Personally, I will admit that I tend to go with societies standards...I want to have the latest clothes, a cool car, a fun ring tone on my cell phone...and so on and so forth...but I really wonder, why? How many people are truely unique...I mean we are all unique but how many people don't care what others will think or say about them and do things not based on the influence of the media or society/other people? I would have to say that I try to be an individual. I try to speak my mind and let people know that I am not going to be fake just so that I don't have to confront a situation about them not liking me for who I am. On a different token I think you can lose your identity based on the people we are around. If we are in relationship with a person and we can mold who we are around them and become more of one than two individuals. The same could go for friends and a person becoming more like another person and losing who they are or the morals they may have.
So, enough rambling. This week was very interesting, and jam packed to say the least. Monday was a fantastic day of no school and no work! I enjoyed relaxing! Tuesday was back to work and the day of giving notice at work. I was really scared of letting people down and being treated poorly by co-workers and managers who were angry but everyone took it well and were happy for me...except for me new nick-name "Short Timer" No school on Tuesday night either which allowed me to hang out and have dinner with my good friend Brad. Wednesday was nother tyical day at work as was Thursday and Friday...not a whole lot of action and not very fun work to do actually! Wednesday and Thursday night I had class, it was fun to a certain extent. Fun because it was onlyt two nights instead of four and fun because I got to hang out with my friends Bethany and Cece. Thursday night I had a two hour break between classes and I watched Gilmore Girls with Oren. I realized how much I liked that show...and yes I admit it is totally a chick show but I have my sensitve side! Friday I had lunch with my friend Craig which was a nice hang out time. Friday night I cleaned my condo a bit because it went on the market for sale. I then had a bite to eat with my new boss. Followed by hanging out with my friend Brad, where we cruised Blackstone Avenue...yes like lamos in high school lol. We then went over to one of his friends house...which ended up also being the house of some people that I went to high school with which was cool. We watched "Be Cool". It was kinda lame...so anyone who wants to rent it...well a word to the wise, the story line is not too enjoyable and the it was not a very funny comedy, but these are just my opinions. Today, I showed my condo to two people and had six calls, so it was a productive day. I ran some errands and went shopping with Oren and got me some new summer clothes! I had an enjoyable time this evening talking with Oren's And soon I will be turning in to bed as I am probably going on a venture on a small plane to Orange County tomorrow...yes OC here I am come...Seth, Summer, Ryan, and Marissa...haha, okay more like a business trip but whatever.
Good night and God Bless...
Until A later date and time.
Derek
Friday, June 03, 2005
Condo For Sell
My condo is now on the market and for sell! Please follow below links for info and for photos. Call or e-mail if you are interested or you know of anyone who is. Thanks!
Derek
Listing and Information:
http://www.fresnomls.com/scripts/mgrqispi.dll?APPNAME=Fresno&PRGNAME=MLSPropertyDetail&ARGUMENTS=-N221390455,-N92133,-N,-A,-N%20%20%202866558,-A,-N,-N5343,-A,-N,-AN,-A,-LTrue
Photos:
http://www.fresnomls.com/scripts/mgrqispi.dll?APPNAME=Fresno&PRGNAME=MLSPictureDescriptions&ARGUMENTS=-N221390455,-N000238695,-ABM,-N5343,-N5343,-A,-LFalse
Derek
Listing and Information:
http://www.fresnomls.com/scripts/mgrqispi.dll?APPNAME=Fresno&PRGNAME=MLSPropertyDetail&ARGUMENTS=-N221390455,-N92133,-N,-A,-N%20%20%202866558,-A,-N,-N5343,-A,-N,-AN,-A,-LTrue
Photos:
http://www.fresnomls.com/scripts/mgrqispi.dll?APPNAME=Fresno&PRGNAME=MLSPictureDescriptions&ARGUMENTS=-N221390455,-N000238695,-ABM,-N5343,-N5343,-A,-LFalse
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Read...Set...Change
So...just when I thought there was enough change in my life...I take on new change! A new job! I have accepted a position with Common Wealth Funding and Real Estate. My last day with my current employer, Citizens Business Bank, will be on June 10th. Some of you out there may be saying, he has only been at his current job for 3 months...yes this is true. However, I realized that the construction/commercial field is not really for me and I need to be back in mortgages and consumer real estate. It is what I enjoy and the work that makes me happy. So, I am very excited for my new position as Chief Operations Officer (COO) with Common Wealth. So, that is the newest, latest, change with me! Until next time...
D Money Signing Off
D Money Signing Off
Monday, May 30, 2005
What Doesn't McDonalds Endorse?
Is it just me or is McDonalds everywhere? I saw The Longest Yard yesterday...it was a great movie. It was very funny and I would highly recommend it for anyone who wants a good laugh! But McDonalds was all over that movie! I won't go into details but you could totally tell that they paid to have their name and product all over it. I wonder how much it costs to have your name all over a movie. And in a personal opinion I don't even think McDonalds is that great compared to other burger joints, but whatever...I guess other than sex selling...food sells too!
Until next time...
The Hamburgler
Until next time...
The Hamburgler
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Soakin Up The Summer Sun...or Not?
So, this past week was pretty hot here in Fresno. It was some major AC time. But wouldn't you know that today...a day of no work and no school...it did not get that hot! I am house sitting for a co-worker and I went out by the pool but the water was cold...and so I laid out in the sun...but wait it became windy and overcast and the sun went away! Only in Fresno is it hot one day and not the next! So, I guess I will have to save soakin up the sun for another day.
Other than that it was a relaxing day to the end of a long week. I can't wait in four weeks I will be out of school for the whole month of July, PTL (Praise the Lord!). But, that means that I have to make it through the projects, papers, tests, and finals coming in the next few weeks...but I am sure I will get through it...I just hope it comes fast! Tomorrow and Monday...day off and holiday day off, but I have to do homework, but they said no pain no gain so I guess I have to take the pain of homework to get thegain of a degree.
So, this morning I was at home doing a little cleaning when my crazy neighbor who lives below me came up pounding on my door. My roommate answered and come to find out the water that I was running in my unit was flooding his unit. The pipes were backed up. So, no more using water until that gets fuxed, luckaly I was house sitting and could use their shower!
So, my question to ponder today is should someone settle in life? Is there a point where you reach perfect contentment in your life? I was really wondering this because I have some opportunities in front of me that look very exciting, and very much something that I want to do. But part of me says I need to settle where I am at, not ruffle feathers, and just not change and keep on the way I am. But, if that doesn't make me happy then should I change? Does anyone out there (that is assuming there are people reading this) have any ideas on settling in life.
Well, I shall close for now and turn in to bed. Have a great night and God Bless.
Derek
Other than that it was a relaxing day to the end of a long week. I can't wait in four weeks I will be out of school for the whole month of July, PTL (Praise the Lord!). But, that means that I have to make it through the projects, papers, tests, and finals coming in the next few weeks...but I am sure I will get through it...I just hope it comes fast! Tomorrow and Monday...day off and holiday day off, but I have to do homework, but they said no pain no gain so I guess I have to take the pain of homework to get thegain of a degree.
So, this morning I was at home doing a little cleaning when my crazy neighbor who lives below me came up pounding on my door. My roommate answered and come to find out the water that I was running in my unit was flooding his unit. The pipes were backed up. So, no more using water until that gets fuxed, luckaly I was house sitting and could use their shower!
So, my question to ponder today is should someone settle in life? Is there a point where you reach perfect contentment in your life? I was really wondering this because I have some opportunities in front of me that look very exciting, and very much something that I want to do. But part of me says I need to settle where I am at, not ruffle feathers, and just not change and keep on the way I am. But, if that doesn't make me happy then should I change? Does anyone out there (that is assuming there are people reading this) have any ideas on settling in life.
Well, I shall close for now and turn in to bed. Have a great night and God Bless.
Derek
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Another Day...Another Dollar...Stoned?
This is just a quick post. I am in class and finished with my assignments and have about five minutes until my next class.
Today was a regular day for the most part. Another day...another dollar...okay more than one dollar I guess when you think of work!
I may have some buyers on my condo which is totally cool. If anyone is interested in buying I am taking offers, haha. Seriously, e-mail if you want details.
I got a surprsing call from a friend of the past. It was interesting because it brought of memories of a past that I am not wanting to remember. But, it was okay because we just discussed business.
I also had a funny memory...we read the short story "The Lottery" and for those of you who don't know the story they stone people to death...as in throwing rocks. So, that is not funny but it made me think of when I was in elementary school and me and my friend Matt were screwing around and he threw a huge rock at me and it hit me in the head and knocked me out. I guess you can say I was stoned! Haha!
Anyway, off to my next class. Have a great night cyber friends!
DA
Today was a regular day for the most part. Another day...another dollar...okay more than one dollar I guess when you think of work!
I may have some buyers on my condo which is totally cool. If anyone is interested in buying I am taking offers, haha. Seriously, e-mail if you want details.
I got a surprsing call from a friend of the past. It was interesting because it brought of memories of a past that I am not wanting to remember. But, it was okay because we just discussed business.
I also had a funny memory...we read the short story "The Lottery" and for those of you who don't know the story they stone people to death...as in throwing rocks. So, that is not funny but it made me think of when I was in elementary school and me and my friend Matt were screwing around and he threw a huge rock at me and it hit me in the head and knocked me out. I guess you can say I was stoned! Haha!
Anyway, off to my next class. Have a great night cyber friends!
DA
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
A Day in the Life of Derek Abbott
Hello Friends... (Becky Kruse you will get that one!...sorry inside joke)
Well, it is 12:40pm and I am at work. Typically people at work...actually are working, however I am taking a little break to post. Not sure what I am going to post about but I thought it would occupy my time.
So, do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? I mean when you look at life as a whole everyone makes decisions. Some they regret others they don't. It is just interesting because the decisions we make effects who we are and the life that we lead. I guess I have been looking back upon life and decisions that I have made of the days, weeks, months, and years...some very positive and others very negative; but nonetheless they have shapped me into who I am today and who I will be (or possibly don't want to be) in the future. Yesterday's quote of the day "There is no improvement except through change. To improve continually we must change continually".
I must say last night was filled with many thoughts based on activities that occured. There was some power outages in Fresno due to too many people not "Flexing Their Power" and the first hot day everyone has the AC like it is the thing to do. So...5:40pm...just 20 minutes before I had class (which would have lasted until 10:40pm) I found out that my college was effected by the outage and there was no classes...I was so happy!!!! It was great! So, I determined that I needed to back some of Jen's things up that were at my house, for those of you who do or don't know, Jen is a very special person. She was my girlfriend of a year and a half and we broke up last week...anyway, so I was packing some stuff up and I felt very sad because it hit me that my life has completly changed based upon one decision that I made last week and life as a whole looks different to me. Anyway, so I was online and I received an instant message from my best friend of many years, Matt. We were friends from 3rd grade until we graduated. It seems like after graduation we drifted apart, we talked from time to time and eventually we both lead different lives and then we just no longer talked. Well, he messaged me out of the blue...he is on my buddy list and often I think about sending an IM but for some reason I never do. Is it becuase I think we have drifted too far apart or is it that I am sad because the person who gave me wet willies and was going to be my best friend forever is no longer my best friend. Well, regardless he messaged me and it released yet another flood of emotions because he basically said he was looking for me and came across my testimony that was posted online, which I posted like a year ago. And he said that he learned things about me that he never knew. That for so many years he thought he was my best friend but I was leading a life that he did not even no about. It hurt me because it was true. A best friend should know everything and I was so hurt and ashamed with my life as a child and teen that I sure as heck did not want anyone to know about it. So, Matt if you are reading this, I am sorry if you felt like I was not real or honest with you. I hope you understand how hard it was for me and how I did not tell anyone until the past few years.
Well, it is time to close this post and get back to work. I just wanted to express my feelings and my night last night. Anyone have thoughts?...feel free to post back. Until next time, love...peace...and chicken grease (from the words of Jason Phillips in high school).
D...
Well, it is 12:40pm and I am at work. Typically people at work...actually are working, however I am taking a little break to post. Not sure what I am going to post about but I thought it would occupy my time.
So, do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? I mean when you look at life as a whole everyone makes decisions. Some they regret others they don't. It is just interesting because the decisions we make effects who we are and the life that we lead. I guess I have been looking back upon life and decisions that I have made of the days, weeks, months, and years...some very positive and others very negative; but nonetheless they have shapped me into who I am today and who I will be (or possibly don't want to be) in the future. Yesterday's quote of the day "There is no improvement except through change. To improve continually we must change continually".
I must say last night was filled with many thoughts based on activities that occured. There was some power outages in Fresno due to too many people not "Flexing Their Power" and the first hot day everyone has the AC like it is the thing to do. So...5:40pm...just 20 minutes before I had class (which would have lasted until 10:40pm) I found out that my college was effected by the outage and there was no classes...I was so happy!!!! It was great! So, I determined that I needed to back some of Jen's things up that were at my house, for those of you who do or don't know, Jen is a very special person. She was my girlfriend of a year and a half and we broke up last week...anyway, so I was packing some stuff up and I felt very sad because it hit me that my life has completly changed based upon one decision that I made last week and life as a whole looks different to me. Anyway, so I was online and I received an instant message from my best friend of many years, Matt. We were friends from 3rd grade until we graduated. It seems like after graduation we drifted apart, we talked from time to time and eventually we both lead different lives and then we just no longer talked. Well, he messaged me out of the blue...he is on my buddy list and often I think about sending an IM but for some reason I never do. Is it becuase I think we have drifted too far apart or is it that I am sad because the person who gave me wet willies and was going to be my best friend forever is no longer my best friend. Well, regardless he messaged me and it released yet another flood of emotions because he basically said he was looking for me and came across my testimony that was posted online, which I posted like a year ago. And he said that he learned things about me that he never knew. That for so many years he thought he was my best friend but I was leading a life that he did not even no about. It hurt me because it was true. A best friend should know everything and I was so hurt and ashamed with my life as a child and teen that I sure as heck did not want anyone to know about it. So, Matt if you are reading this, I am sorry if you felt like I was not real or honest with you. I hope you understand how hard it was for me and how I did not tell anyone until the past few years.
Well, it is time to close this post and get back to work. I just wanted to express my feelings and my night last night. Anyone have thoughts?...feel free to post back. Until next time, love...peace...and chicken grease (from the words of Jason Phillips in high school).
D...
Sunday, May 22, 2005
The Journey of Life…Choices and The Road Not Taken
Feel Like Reading??? Click The Below Link To Go To A Personal Essay I Wrote Today...
http://www.geocities.com/hey_yea_playa@sbcglobal.net/classic_blue.html
http://www.geocities.com/hey_yea_playa@sbcglobal.net/classic_blue.html
Ready...Set...Blog
Well...everyone is doing it right? Bloggin it up? Well, I am jumping on the ban wagon and starting my own blog. Yes...the true life of Derek Abbott! So, for all of you out there in cyber world...I will try my best to post or update weekly, but no promises okay, I said "try". Feel free to post comments on my blog and I will respond to them. Thanks for checking out my blog.
~Derek~
~Derek~
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