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"It hurts to love someone who will not respond, but what hurts more is to love someone and never find the courage to tell them how you feel. Maybe God wants us to meet a few incorrect people before we find the right one, so that in the end, when we meet them, we know how to be grateful for that marvelous gift. One of the saddest things in life is meeting someone who means everything in life to you, so that in the end you can realize that it was nothing. And you actually have to let them go. When the door to happiness is closed on you, another is opened, but some times we look at the closed door so much that we don’t see the one that has been opened in front of us. It is true that we don’t know what we have until we have lost it. But it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until we find it. Giving someone all your love will never guarantee their love in return, but don’t expect them to love you back, only hope that the love will grow in the others heart. But if it does not grow be happy because it grew in yours. There are things that I could find you hearing, that you would never hear from the person who you hope to hear them from, but don’t be so deaf to hear them from that person who says them from the bottom of their heart! Never say good bye if you still want to try. Never feel like you give up if you feel you can still keep winning. Never tell someone that you don’t love them if you can't let them go. Love comes to he who waits, even when he has been deceived, to the ones who have been traded on, to he who still needs to love, even though he has been hurt, and he who has the willingness to confidence again. Loving is letting those we know be who they are, and not trying to transform them into our own image, because we would only be loving the reflection of our self in them. Don’t go by exterior looks and beauty, you can be fooled. Go for someone who makes you smile and laugh. There moments in which we miss a person so much that we want to take them out of our dreams and hug them. I hope that you dream with that special someone, dream whatever you want, go wherever you want because you only have one life and one opportunity to do all that you want to do. For someone who can make a dark day shine. I hope you have sufficient happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough pain to keep you human, and enough hope to be happy. The happiest people don’t always have the best of everything, the take the best of everything they find on their journey."

Pretty Much Addicted

So, my best friend and his wife bought me the complete first season of One Tree Hill on DVD for my birthday. I have seen maybe a half of an episode of this show on television the whole time its been on. Well, needless to say I popped it in the DVD player and I am addicted. I am sure I am going to blow through the 20-something episodes pretty quickly. I am such a sucker for these kinds of shows (i.e. 90210, The OC, etc.) I usually head to bed by 11pm but I was so hooked that I stayed up past midnight last night watching. I think you can say I am addicted and at a such a busy time in life, I shouldn't have opened the DVD's until Christmas break, haha. Oh well!

With that said, I think that this show has some good values that one could pick up on. Last night I finished watching and went to bed with the overall theme that your family does not determine your destiny. If you come from a screwed up home or with parents who don't necessarily have the best ideas about life, you can grow up and not allow that to be you, if you but forth the effort to change. It gave me a hope that the sins of past generations do not have the be the sins of the future if you honestly attempt to change. So, that's my encouragement for the day.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...

Dysfunctional Family

I would like to give a shout out to all those who understand what it is like to have a dysfunctional family. I love my family, don't get me wrong, however I cling to the fact that we don't get to choose who our family is. Yesterday was the first year in about four years that my entire family got together to celebrate a holiday. You see in past years bringing everyone together at the holidays resulted in multiple outbreaks of fights. So, when I heard that we were reattempting this gathering this Thanksgiving I was a little skeptical.

Overall it wasn't horrible. Pretty much everyone has the same personalities as they did some years ago. One thing is that all the grand kids have grown older and therefore its now like a gathering of adults. Its kind of weird to see two of your cousins and know that they have gotten married since the last times you seen them. Another cousin brought his girlfriend, soon to be wife. I am okay because they are older than I but if any of the younger ones start getting married before I, I might have a problem. Haha.

It is still interesting to see how everyone interacts. We each got our plates and sat in different parts of the house with our immediate family, weird right? Well, there wasn't a table big enough for everyone but it still shows how not everyone gets along well enough to even eat all together. Well, it is what it is. I didn't create these broken relationships, but hey at least everyone is trying. I think more and more the family is trying because my grandparents are getting older and we are starting to realize they won't be around forever. It hit me yesterday that my grandma will be 70 in this coming up year. We looked at some pictures from when they were younger and it made think, wow I am starting to get older. My mom talked of how my grandpa used to hold and feed me when I was a baby. Crazy how the years pass us by.

One thing that I was really grateful for was my aunt Lydia. Technically shes my aunt, however shes only 18. My grandparents adopted her which made her their daughter and therefore my aunt. Really shes more like a cousin to me however she doesn't live down calling me her nephew. Haha. In past years we have not gotten along at all but now she has matured so much and we actually get along much better. We spent a lot of time talking yesterday and that really was the highlight of my time with the family. I actually felt like Lydia and I were finally family and she was sharing with me what is going on in her life.

So, with all that said, as dysfunctional as my family is I still love them and I am thankful to have them. I do pray that if I do have a family one day that the dysfunction will be able to slowly change and a break through in family dynamics will change. I was scared to go into Thanksgiving yesterday, but I survived and it was good to see family as awkward as it was.

Another Year Wiser?

Yesterday I hit the big 24! One more year and I will be a quarter of a century. I must say I thought I wasn't the biggest birthday person, however when your birthday falls on Thanksgiving it is kind of a bummer. I mean I had a good day but it just didn't feel like a regular birthday. I must say that I am blessed with some pretty amazing friends as Bec and Jen had me over for a pancake breakfast since they knew the rest of the day would be filled with family. Not that family is horrible, but mine is just weird and honestly spending a full day with the extended family is not something I would dream of for a birthday celebration. Luckily, I did my research and found that my birthday will fall again on Thanksgiving in five years for the big 29. This is okay, I just didn't want it to fall on my 30th Birthday because there will be a celebration on that special year. Haha! I additionally want to shout out to Megan, Ranae, Becca, and Jeff who all shared in experiencing their birthday yesterday on Thanksgiving. Its crazy to have so many friends who all have the same birthday. Anywho, Thanksgiving is over as is my birthday, so now it full swing into Christmas!!!!

Shift Happens

Thanks to Josh Long for sharing this on his blog. If this video doesn't make you think about the current state of our society and the future of this world I don't know what will. Enjoy!

Content

I don't know what it is but I really feel a place on contentment right now. Maybe it has to do with the holidays, there is something about this season that makes my heart smile from the inside out.

I really feel a place of peace in my job. For many months I have wrestled with whether I am called to stay at YFC or move elsewhere. I was at a point of leaving just some weeks ago but I really feel that God has me there for a reason and wants me to stay. I have been amazingly blessed by my new boss, Jeff. However he doesn't want me to call him boss, because we are a team and he doesn't consider himself more superior than I. His family has become my second family. He really is like that dad that I have longed to have for many years. His wife and three kids have become like a mom, brother, and two sisters. I feel truly blesses to have them in my life.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel as the semester of school at FPU comes to a close in a few weeks and I am really excited. Although finals will be stressful I can see past that knowing that there is rest in the end. I am starting to have some direction for next semester and the semesters proceeding which has also provided great relief.

I am also at an amazing place with my friends. I mean I have great friends hands down but I really feel like God is showing me the true meaning of friendship and being there for people through thick and through thin. Jen and Bec are truly the kind of friends who I will grow old with. I have amazing CL volunteers who are really amazing friends as well, Ranae, Justin, Reha, Rory, Doug, and Josh; I am so grateful to minister along side you. Lisa is back in the country and we have been able to catch up and it has been awesome! Brad as always is like the brother that I never had and he makes me laugh and encourages me in more ways than he knows. I have met some really cool people at FPU that are my new friends. And my-coworkers are more like family than friends although the fill dual roles. The list could go on and on of people who I have been so blessed with. Thank you all for being such amazing friends!

There will always be stresses in life, things on a to-do list that need to be accomplished, unexpected problems that will have to be handled, and unanswered questions...but God is bigger than it all. I encourage you to lay all the garbage in life to the side and embrace life, embrace love, cling to contentment and celebrate this holiday season with joy and thanksgiving.

Sometimes tears feel good...

I am going to fully admit the fact that I am a man and yes I cry. I think it is perfectly okay to cry and honestly sometimes it feels good. Tears came to my eyes twice on Saturday night.

First, a DVD came to my office from our national service center. It contained stories from students on how YFC and specifically Campus Life has impacted their lives. As I listened to some of the crap these teenagers have been through it hurt my heart but then they shared how a YFC adult came along side and encouraged and strengthened them, leading to a few tears. It made me think of all my co-workers and our teams of volunteers who come along side teens every week. PTL for adults who care.

Later that night I was flipping through the tv and found the movie A Walk To Remember on. I am such a sap when it comes to this movie. It can make me cry every time. Yes, this is a teen love story but it is so much more. It is beautiful. Yes, I admit when I saw it with Jen and Bec some many many years ago, I did tear up in the theater...I think I denied that for years. Haha. I am secure now in the fact that it is okay to cry in movies. Needless to say this movie made me tear up again on Saturday. There is something about love that strikes a cord in my heart. Here's a story about a popular bad boy who becomes good and falls in love with the non-popular nerdy Christian girl. Come to find out she is dying yet he does not leave her side. He marries her just days before she passes away. How freakin sad. It makes me think that there is indeed hope in love.

So, I am a big baby, I admit it. =)

Welcome Home Lisa!

It's been 27 long months and last night I got to welcome home my dear friend Lisa back home to the USA. What an exciting time it was to see her meet friends and family who have missed her so dearly. I am looking forward to catching up over a good club sandwich at the Corner Cafe with my awesome friend! Welcome home Lisa!

What Does Derek Need?

Can you tell I didn't want to write my paper?

This made me laugh. Here's how it works: Enter “yourname needs” into google and then see what the first ten entries say you need. Then post the results to your blog.

1. Derek needs a woman! (The whole world is apparently telling me now!)
2. Derek needs our mojo. (Hmmm...what exactly is mojo? I am scared if I need it)
3. Derek needs some work. (Derek has enough work people)
4. Derek needs trailer. (I'm down to be a lil trailer trash)
5. Derek needs to draw this for our darn hats. (Derek doesn't draw, sorry friends)
6. Derek needs a date. (LOL. See #1)
7. Derek needs suggestions for a good place for dinner on Sunday evening in Toronto near Bloor and Yonge; anyone? (I am down for a lil vacation in Toronto)
8. Derek needs a myspace. (Already have one, sorry)
9. Derek needs a bigger cause. (LOL. Hmmm, isn't my current cause good enough)
10. Derek needs to get behind a drum stick if you know what i mean compadre. (I don't know what you mean compadre!)

Praise God for Amazing People

I approached the door of the church in which I speaking at today and a sign read "Welcome to Saint Derek's Day, Come In" I have a hard time accepting myself as a Saint. I often feel far from it. However, I guess we are all Saint's in God's eyes.

What an amazing feeling to be embraced by an awesome group of God fearing, God loving individuals. One church member referred to the congregation as a bunch of misfits. I was invited to come and speak at Third Day Fellowship Fresno. This congregation has been praying for me for the past five years and boy do they have the power of prayer. I came this morning to share my testimony, to preach a little, and then to share what is going on through the ministry of YFC. Typically I am filled with nervousness when I speak to groups of adults, not today. Praise God. There is something about this group of people that warrants you to have no feelings of nervousness. They are the most loving and accepting people I have ever met.

After my time of sharing the church gathered around, laid hands, prayed over me, and commissioned me as a licensed minister by their congregation and church network (network being a group of non-denominational church that have joined together in affiliation). I truly felt God's presence as these people, many of which have never met me, spoke words of affirmation and support over me.

I am so blessed by this group of 30 or so amazing people who have the biggest hearts for God I have ever seen. I am blessed to be able to call them all my brothers and sisters. Thank you Pastor Dave and 3DFF for allowing me to be part of your family!

Saying good bye is never easy...

Funerals bring closure. It's a time to say your good bye's but also to reflect on a good life lived. Wait...maybe good bye's is the wrong term. I learned from a former student of mine, Katy, that you don't say good bye, you only say see ya later or talk to you soon. Ultimately, those who pass we hope to see again in Heaven.

I attended a funeral yesterday for my dear friends, Grace and Julie, mother. It was sad to sit there and think that their mother was only 53 when she passed. She had health problems and ultimately suffered a stroke which caused brain damage. After five weeks of life support she passed on to be with her Heavenly Daddy. Grace and Julie wrote a letter expressing the memories they had of their mom. I never had the chance to meet this lady but she sounded like a truly wonderful woman. She was described as being a wild one, I could totally see that looking at Julie and Grace, thats gotta be where they got it from.

Something that I think deed down I have been struggling with is closure. My grandfather passed away eight months ago and I never got to say good bye. My step-grandma choose to not have a service and I think that resulted in a lack of closure. I never got to say good bye. But I must cling to the hope that I will one day rejoice again in seeing my grandpa. I miss him. Christmas is coming and I always send him some sort of 49er themed gift since he was the biggest Niners fan I can think of. It's hard to think that this year I won't be sending that gift. This year I won't be picking up the phone to tell him Merry Christmas. I must cling to the memories that I have, knowing that he loved me and he knew I loved him.

Death is never easy, but in time the pain slips away and we are left with all the cherished memories of our loved ones. Grace and Julie, know that I love you guys and cling to those around you who are here for you during these difficult times.

Commitment

“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” -Unknown

I love looking for good quotes when a topic is floating around in my head. The above quote, although unknown who said it, is pretty amazing. If you commit to something you live it out. You give your all and accept nothing but results. You are not half in and half out. It's a whole-hearted kind of lifestyle.

This week I had to have a special mandatory meeting with my leadership team at BHS Campus Life. There seemed to be a lack of commitment to the leadership team both from my student leaders and my adult volunteers. Our meeting prior had a total of 5 of us there, that includes me. You probably are asking is 5 bad? Well, compare that to the fact that our total team is 17, 5 is not even a third in attendance.

I hate to lay down the law however we had to address the issue of commitment. Being on leadership takes a heart and passion for the mission and purpose behind Campus Life. You can not be on leadership and only attend our meetings or participate when it is convenient to you. So, we had the meeting and all but two of the seventeen made the meeting. It was hard but we wrestled through the discussion. I was pleased to see most of the student leaders doing the talking. We defined what it means to be a committed leader and I requested they sign the leadership covenant. I purposely don't have them sign this at the start of the school year because I lay out the expectations and hope that I can trust the fact that I don't need a written signature to hold them to something. Well, every year in November/December we have to pull out the document, review, and sign it. This time I let the students decide if they wanted to sign it then or take it with them and pray about the commitment of leadership. I told them to take a week to pray if they wanted to and to weigh out the possible options. Surprisingly I had about four or so students not return the covenant to me that night. I realized that there is more than just one or two who are on the fence about leadership. This is fine, I really do want them to seek out God in their decision. We will see what the final decision is that these students make. It's meetings like these that make me realize how much stuff our students are involed with these days, so many activities outside of regular school attendance.

With the talks of commitment I also had to evaluate my personal life. I have recently been weighing back and forth on my calling to stay at YFC or to possibly depart. It seems like the more and more I process things the more and more I feel as if YFC is my home. I feel like it is where I need to be for this time in my life. I am really trying to be content in where I am at, knowing God is in control. It is up to me to commit to the ministry of YFC because without commitment I settle for less than results.

People of the State of California vs. Derek Abbott

Peope of the State of California vs. Derek Abbott (Defendant)
Courts Decision on Citation Number 1741XXX
The Court Finds the defendant of violation Vc22XXX DISMISSED
Court shall refund the defendant the following amount: $204.00

PTL for the court system! Thank you officer who failed to filed necessary documentation! I get my money back plus no violation on my record!!!!!!!! Happy Dance!!!

myxertones.com

All I can say is thank you j.Lo for introducing me to myxertones.com. A FREE site to download FREE ringtones for your phone. I ended up downloading about 25 or so last night and saving them all to my phone...dedicating songs to certain individuals when they call me. You should totally check out the site!

Just 4 Minutes, D

Rebecca Marie Kruse seriously cracks me up! All I can say is that I am blessed to have such an amazing friend of 12 years! "Just 4 Minutes" will forever hold a place in my heart is a new memory of when Bec said lets just close our eyes for the commercials, just four minutes, D. Needless to say we fell asleep for a little bit longer than that. BK thanks for being such an awesome friend and making my life more entertaining!